The Biggest Adrenaline Shot A Nerd Can Feel

I'm sure you've heard of the game 'Halo: Reach.' It's been out for, like, two years. Well, since I'm a cheapskate, I barely fell into it's digital arms on the 6th of July. I never could get over missing it for twenty bucks on Amazon last year, so I'd been waiting until it dropped back down to twenty. Sure, it was used, but who cares, right? I doubt gamers can be that dirty.

Shit.

Since the package came in, I've been on a nonstop Halo spree. Playing Reach has brought back so many memories of my adolescent days, from pwning n00bs on Halo 3 with my late bloomer pal Chris to making impossible mazes in Forge. I'm much better than I used to be, though I still die like crazy.

But I'll still qualify for health insurance!

Of course, not everything is like Halo 3. Reach implemented these daily and weekly challenges that you can complete for extra credits (in-game currency used to level up and buy cool stuff.) Normally, the daily challenges are pretty easy. Today's, however, made me giddy like a schoolgirl in line for 'Believe.'

Ellen DeGeneres has never looked sexier.

"Get two killing sprees in one game of multiplayer matchmaking." Hmm, since I can't stop myself from chasing the opponent even when I'm pretty much on the brink of death, this will be fun.

IT WASN'T.

Jesus Christ. I have never facepalmed at myself so much in such a small amount of time. My facepalm/kill ratio was rapidly surpassing my kill/death ratio. Still, I kept on trying. My Spartan is my own representation of myself. I can't let him down.

As you can tell, I am a Photoshop FIEND.

We finally got to a map that I love: Countdown. It's too bad that in SWAT, where headshots kill instantly, everyone lives for a small amount of time. Whatever. I managed to pull off five kills in the first minute of the game and get my first killing spree. Halfway there!

After raging and getting up to four kills before dying, I started to give up. The match only goes up to 50 kills and our team had 45. I needed to beat all of my teammates to the enemies and kill them five times without dying. The chances of this happening were stupid small. Still, I pressed onward. (More like upward mirite?)

Holy shit, I see an enemy. After quickly disposing of him, three of his bloodthirsty teammates appear around the corner. Instead of putting the controller down and getting in my best fetal position, I tried to defend myself. AND HOLY CRAP DID I MANAGE TO KILL ALL OF THEM. One more kill, that's all I need! Too bad my team also needs one kill to win the game...

I ran around the map, desperately looking for someone on the other team who: 

a) sucked and 

b) was oblivious to my presence.

Around the corner, I found my man. He was a guest of another player, so he MUST suck! I felt my heart doing overtime as I sprinted over to my prey. Before anyone else saw him, I sprayed one shot. BOOM! Right in the head. As 'GAME OVER' was announced, I let out a grand 'YES!' despite being the only one awake in my house. I NEEDED TO CELEBRATE.

Like this, but less sexually suggestive.

I felt like running around the house and drumming on everything. Food needed to be in my belly. I wouldn't accept anything but ambrosia and nectar of the Gods. Finally, after I collected my credits, I could celebrate in peace.

I did this by looking for another match with a huge smile on my face and the blood of my enemies on my e-shoulder. Sure, I was excited, but the thrill of the game is enough of a reward for me. It's a tough life, but someone's got to kill all of those aliens. 

 For the last time, Noomi, Prometheus isn't an Alien movie.